You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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