Sry I called you an 8
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
