So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize