Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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