all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
