508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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