is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
