You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
