please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
