i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
