I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize