I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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