GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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