he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize