im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
