btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
