Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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