you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i dont even know how to be here
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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