Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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