scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My cat gives me a boner
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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