I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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