I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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