Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need to stop coming to work sober
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
