All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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