so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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