Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
