I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
