So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
