Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
