i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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