I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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