Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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