After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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