Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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