I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
