Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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