Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
