one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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