My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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