perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
