Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
