he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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