I just cut my nipple shaving
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
