I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
