What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
