Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
