Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
