Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
