I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
