every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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