I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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