70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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