Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
