You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
