just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize