Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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