Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
