Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
