Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
