My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize