That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
