i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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