When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
