how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
