No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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