The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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