I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
