Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
