yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my being single is dangerous.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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