i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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