she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize