Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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