I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
