As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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