this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
