I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
